I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
