I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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