That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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