just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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