My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
