i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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