Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
