dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can't special order awesome
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
