ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
