I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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