You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
