haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
