i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
