News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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