Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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