Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
