he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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