I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
