Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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