closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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