your parents love me but you hate me
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
