i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
