Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
