just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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