While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
