The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
