so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize