My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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