youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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