He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
