He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
