You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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