I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
