I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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