He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I just sharted jello shots
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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