So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
