dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
