Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
