i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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