i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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