she woke up with a sticky ear
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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