i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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