Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the condom got lost in my hair
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
