last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
