Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
