i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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