I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
