9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
