the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
