I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
