My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i think my cat just said my name.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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