You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
